Things are not going quite as well as I hoped. But, when is the highest potential ever met? The slow pace is driving me a bit nuts and I feel an extent of paralysis due to apparent doom.
The following is a letter I wrote to a co-worker on April 9 2019 describing the difficulty of the overall situation I have been facing in life, which is a matter of worldview. The central conflict at hand is material-reductionism vs. the existence of soul. I originally wrote this in one sitting, by hand, without drafts or editing and with very little in the way of notes and planning.
I have been reluctant to redistribute this since it seems lazy to merely repeat word-for-word something I have said before. However, I did a good job of conveying the three realms which comprise existence; and, I must present a substantial summary of my worldview since this is what will establish order, not just in my own journey as I experience and share it but potentially in all of life.
There will be a Part Two to this post which was written recently and explains largely the same concept in more detailed, refined, and advanced terms.
I will mention that I cut out several sentences from the beginning of this letter as I want to get to the point right away. I explained that I used to regularly write on the Internet and have since, comparatively, resigned myself to silence for several years and I am feeling crushed, as the necessary path forward has been, for me, riddled with conflict. It seems that much has been lost which cannot be regained. Will this turn out to be true? If so, will there be something worthy of perfection which can yet be created, or are we doomed?
~
I stopped writing because it seemed futile, as though the complete truth could never be communicated. It seems to me now that all talk belongs to a fallen world, for when things are ideal and in order there is no need to speak of them. Indeed, when purity is the goal it becomes difficult to speak of. The truth lives in silence: there may be some way to adequately convey it through language even if it is an excruciatingly sensitive task, and I hold out hope for this. However, the realm of talk by default coaxes one into speaking against oneself, because it is a realm of problems, of shallowness, and of confused suffering, all due to the material-reductionist outlook which is fundamental to it. Materialism is the cause of most problems, for without it people would not destroy the natural environment, themselves, and each other for profit (nor for anticipated pleasure nor escapism). Even Christianity, though a religion with a God, is more or less materialistic. The only two possibilities it offers are to either be damned or to be saved by an entity external to oneself: there is no room for a soul-- no room to become a powerful individual, no way to ascend to greatness beyond the paradigm of being either feeble or evil and “crazy.”
Any talk which is to bear the truth must defy materialism. For this reason it is not only difficult to accomplish but it is liable to be both misunderstood and met with hysteria and hatred.
It seems that the truth consists of three parts rather than the two which materialism offers. The first part is the doom of the material world. Its components include destruction, being fallen, and decay over time. This part of the truth portrays physical, soulless beings amorally doing anything they can to survive and to please themselves. From this comes all of the sophisticated ideas about “Human Nature.”
The second part of the truth is the promise of eternity, which is everlasting peace, joy, and absence of sin; at home with God, free from time. This aspect of the truth belongs to Heaven, which is the opposite of the material world. Due to the human misery which is characteristic of part one of the truth, people tend to approach this two-part situation in one of three ways: 1. Follow religiously-prescribed measures for the sake of salvation in eternity; 2. Wait for or initiate the end of life to gain eternity; or 3. Forget the eternal and become amoral, whether that means trying to become as powerful as possible in the physical realm or just being a wretched loser.
The third part of the truth is the self-realization of a being with a soul living in the material world. This part is about not merely survival, salvation, nor escapism, but creation in the material world according to the qualities of self. The premise of the third part of the truth is having agency as opposed to being a biological machine bound by mechanical laws, doomed to make the same mistakes again and again and then either beg the Lord for mercy or become jaded. To self-realize is to continually ascend-- to develop a consciousness of eternity and to simultaneously master life in the human form. What this means to me is the attainment of Godhood, innocence, and perfection.
There is what I could call a “catch” though is in fact just the truth. The “catch” is there there is no escape from any of the three parts of the truth. Part one means that we are always in physical need, corrupt or distorted somehow, and dying (not to mention dumb). Part two means that we are immutably innocent and peace is always available. Part three means that we are always making choices, creating, and self-realizing, experiencing the boundless glory of all that ever has been and ever will be. The way to ascend is to correctly align with these three aspects of oneself. I have found this to mean being totally unjaded-- to shield myself from none of my feelings, to not at all shrink my awareness, and to keep quiet about it all so that all things can simply be as they are and reveal their true nature rather than being skewed and slowed down by talk.
To practice these measures both develops and requires a pure heart-- “pure” because its only concern is being true to self (and thus self-realizing), heart because its purity means it is interested in the highest truth, which reveals itself in feeling as opposed to merely sounding smart and sophisticated. The most frequent feeling, when it is allowed, is love-- love for something, be it a person or Nature. When the dream of love that always lives in the heart is honored- however far off from surface reality that dream may be- it inspires and energizes you to do and become what you are destined to. Love is the primary agent of self-realization and the force that shapes you for your destiny.
So, here is the point. I believe the development of pure heart is the only way for human life to not continually make a mockery of itself and decay until it takes the natural world with it. The process of conscious self-realization, which is the purpose of life, inevitably leads to pure heart.
Perfection is demanded. As such, we are doomed to fail, just as humanity has been failing for thousands of years (which is how we arrived at this point) and just as surely I have failed you in the writing of this. While I believe I have quite a good answer, it is not like decay does not continue-- even in myself. Even as I ascend so too do I experience death, a death which always I almost cannot handle but then I do, and I become something lighter.
Life is filled with glory, connection, and love, even if these things are not apparent. The dream is to make them so, and thus realize the original, uncorrupted idea of creation.
Thank you for your time.
-Kimberly Wrate
April 9 2019