The following is the 41st e-mail message I received from Brian Harner, and the 109th message of our conversation. It was sent on November 29 2020 at 12:33AM EST.
This is his response to the question, "What would you do if you were me?"
My health situation is as bad as it's ever been. There's a strange headache that I've been dealing with for a couple weeks now, and it makes it difficult to deal with light or consume food. My heart has had many strange palpitations and feels like it's under pressure. My chest hurts all the time. My H.S. was staying at a manageable level, but since the 24th has gotten worse in 2 areas. Things have gotten worse, yes. But that was expected.
I'm still at my dad's house, but that could end any day. We've had 3 large arguments... There won't be a fourth.
You could refer to the Amen's maker as humanity's maker, but the sequence is different. Their entire paradigm is different, so trying to quantify them in the same way as humanity is improper, and could be considered insulting. As you said, it would only confuse people to conflate the two species, as well as give another reason internally for selfish people to "pretend" as though they're equal to such a superior species. There are billions upon billions of civilizations between the Amen and humanity in the 3rd dimension, and every one of them should be viewed as a superior. In the third dimension, the Amen are the absolute supreme being... but that's the third dimension. Considering the current zeitgeist within the human ethos currently, I recommend leaving this subject matter in a personal void of self reflection, and that's it. In other words, stay in your lane. There are numerous reasons to utilize that self reflection for other, more pertinent to your current conundrum subjects.
I had three jobs, really. I worked with my dad's friend Robbie at his company installing carpet, vinyl, and countertops. I became quite proficient at every job I was tasked with due to working with him on and off the two years prior. It was under the table and he stiffed me a few times before I started looking for another job. I started working full time, illegally mind you, at the Shilo Inn restaurant after that. Bus boy to start. I became a well trusted and hard worker for them, and stayed there until I went into the Navy. During that time I became the "head busser," a title that didn't really exist, but the manager Damon really liked me. It was difficult to keep people in my position, but I was extremely reliable and worked a lot of overtime, and every Sunday brunch. I did a lot of the valet parking after that, and ran room service... both illegally. I also maintained the bar's keg refrigerator. One time a king crab fisherman was staying there and ordered a few shots of Louis the 14th. The bartender gave me one too. $150 a shot in 1996. It was wasted on me. I also met and had a conversation with Roddy Piper, the guy who starred in They Live. My third side gig was selling weed in small quantities to my friends.
If I were you, I'd get an entry level job at a foundry or similar manufacturing company. Get out on your own, start learning the skills you require for building grails, and start learning about and collecting tools. Use them to fix or upgrade your vehicle to start the "what kind of tools should I buy" process. That said, that's just based on what you've said you want to do. That's going to be a difficult, dirty, and very tiring job for someone like you. Expect a lot of frustration on your part, as well as the people who are tasked with helping you learn it. Breaker bars and cheater bars will be your best friend... if that's the route you take.
Learning the brewery process is more suitable to your stature, but that's a much different route than learning how to build grails. You can still do that, but it'll have to be on your private time. The idea is to build a knowledge base for making ethanol. A winery or distillery would work, but making good beer is the most difficult of the three. Master it, and the other aspects become easier to comprehend. Just about anything you do will require an entry level position. At a brewery, expect to start as a busser or waitress. Be persistent about trying to "move up" and learn new things. Be willing to work for less while you do. That's usually the easiest way to get what you want.
If you're trying to utilize your computer skills, I don't know what to tell you. That profession is extremely saturated right now, and almost all of the possibilities are being shipped overseas, or outsourced to a lower bidder otherwise. From what I understand of it, you're looking at long hours and low pay which means less time to spend on your projects. You could try to become a CNC operator, but those kinds of jobs are focused in on particular parts, unless you're able to get on with a company that services CNC equipment. If I were you, and that's what I decided to pursue, a CNC servicing business is where I'd start. Again, you're small, a woman, and green as hell in that industry. Expect a lot of rejection, but persistence could pay off. I don't know, just guessing.
Your biggest problem right now is age. Believe it or not, 24 (if I'm right about that) is a late start in almost everything. Mainly because you're not used to working hard, physical, labor type positions. It doesn't sound like you've done any physical labor outside of running and hiking. It might be a good start to ask a farmer for employment, and never shy away from the really dirty heavy duty type jobs. Pack on some more weight and start to build your body to handle it. If there's extra supply left over after harvest, ask if you can use it, and start making fuel, brews, or spirits from it. The farmer will be impressed and will help you learn more. If you get on with a dairy farmer, learn to make cheese, and ethanol from the whey. It's a valuable commodity that is often wasted. That's the source material for whey protein, in case you didn't know, but is often discarded to be makeshift fertilizer for fields. If you can get the farmer to convert his equipment and vehicles to ethanol and run it on the whey ethanol, he will love you forever. If this is the route you take, aim for a farm that has a machine shop.
If you're wanting to make a lot of money, and learn machining skills while doing it immediately, prepare for significant sacrifices and being out of your comfort zone regularly. If that's the case, try to get on with a shipping company or merchant marines. You'll be gone from home a lot, but that shouldn't bother you love interest wise right now... I think. There are many entry level positions available from cook to janitorial. Once you're in, explore your options. The great parts about it is the pay because you don't really spend your money while deployed, and almost every ship has it's own machine shop onboard, and there's always a crew that knows how to use it. You can bring your blanks and various other stocks onboard, machine it in your downtime, and gain numerous skills. Build up your stack, then get your own equipment. Another great part about being in that environment is when the ship's equipment gets upgraded, you will get first pick for buying the old stuff... and that's equipment you'll be used to working on. Double bonus.
The goal here is to build up the ability to work hard. Be versatile. You're in a position where you're not used to labor, your skills are based in an industry that doesn't reward physical labor, and your body is atrophied from several years of veganism. In all seriousness, if I were you, the absolute first thing I'd do is eat more, sweat less, and build muscle. That's just me, though. I'm not you. I don't really know what motivated you to go the computer route career wise, but the overwhelming majority of people that take routes like that seem almost allergic to labor. I LOVED physical labor my entire life. It taught me discipline and helped me understand how to overcome obstacles in a way that can only be learned by that set of circumstances. It's very rewarding, but takes dedication and persistence, especially from my health perspective.
One thing that we vary on significantly is our ability to have parental shelter. I was more willing to do things I didn't necessarily like because I lived on my own for most of my life. I had girlfriends that helped, and occasionally needed parental support, but I haven't lived with my parents the way you do since I was 15ish. More like 16, but you get the idea. Working part time and going to school without a defined career goal is what breeds frustration between you and your parents. They don't have confidence, you don't have confidence in yourself, and both of you want to control the outcome. You're an adult, but can't behave like one until you live like one. You could try the military, but you don't really have the personality for it. It is an option, though. It's what I did to gtfo as soon as I could. Not recommending it, just saying it's an option. What I do recommend, based on our last phone call... do what you need to do to move out on your own. If you take the farmer option, ask if there's a way to get room and board. Might be able to build skills, save money, live on your own, and put yourself in a position to get a loan for your own farm one day. Or if you're really lucky, buy the one you're working on. There's lots of options for a young woman like you. It's time to stop dipping your toes in the water and jump in. Like I said, talking will only get you so far. Hard physical work is the next step... if you want my advice. I've heard millions of excuses for why people "can't" do that. As I said in my last conversation with you... you don't have my problem. And it breaks my heart to see able body young people unwilling to do the things I wish I could.
Good luck,
Brian