I first wrote this in late 2015. I was feeling not-so-well
one night and decided to ask a question to my future self (after all, there’s
no one better to advise me than me!).
I asked:
Dear ideal future self,
I feel stuck. I feel like my life is centered around a gaping hole. A lot of the time I feel worthless as a human being. How do I become worthy? How do I turn the ship around? How do I create something that other people will value? How do I create a beautiful life? How can I feel energized, and like I am using all this energy in a worthwhile way?
Please help. After all—I want to be just like you!
“My” response:
Dear Kim,
You have come to such a point before, and you shall many times again. I suggest that you focus on the new. Explore your new desires. Explore these things unapologetically and unabashedly, and be disciplined in your explorations, and you shall suffer no more.
As for worthiness, the worthy man (or woman) is he who turns toward his desires—always. It is his conviction that makes him worthy. Only timidity and cowardice, which lead you to shrink from your true desires, can make you unworthy. It is only he who fears the external world that can be lacking in his internal world, for such fear is to shrink from oneself. The only thing in the whole world that can make you unworthy is to shrink from yourself. When you do that, you can accomplish, and enjoy, nothing. When you step toward yourself, on the other hand, you can have everything. This is the way to have everything: be yourself fully and shamelessly. To be yourself is to acknowledge and accept your desires. Your true desires always lead you to grow.
Thus, the lesson is this: do not shrink from desire. Meet is as a passionate lover, an excited adventurer, or as a worthy opponent would. Whichever approach you take, be sure to approach.
Do not downplay desire when you fail to meet it. Only you can fail it—it cannot fail you. Your desires must be clear and certain. Only you can make them so, by approaching them. Sometimes this will mean searching inwardly, feeling and thinking your way through; other times- and most importantly- this will mean taking action, for all desire of external things can be met only in the external world.
All desires begin in the non-physical. They are met, however, through physical forms. Do not damn action: action is the right, duty, and privilege of your physical existence. Action means that you are alive. Action is one of the keys that makes you human. I say—go forth now and act. No more sitting around in this puddle of timidity. Go forth, now, and let your life be illuminated by the stars of all the ages.
It is up to you to make it possible. It is always up to you. Whatever you do, do not deny your core desires. These are the keys to your health and well-being. Whatever you do, always acknowledge what you truly want. Settle for no less. Be clear. Avoid the swamp of delusion and the fog of false, unclear desire—these will only lead you to misery of no end. Have conviction in yourself, and be vigilant. This is how you are heard—by having clear, certain desires which you are committed to. Otherwise, the world tunes you out. It will not hear someone who listens not even to herself.
Whenever you are lost or do not know what to do next, return to the drawing board, and there you shall meet desire. She will guide you.
Simply be guided by the highest of your desires. Do not be timid, yet do not be avoidant of giving life to yourself. Look out for yourself, and meet her. Otherwise, you will be unable to meet anyone else. All interactions will be but shells, hollow of what might have been—hollow of life. Stand up to yourself, and you shall find you can stand up to- and for- the world.
I believe in you. After all—I am what you shall become.
Peace out.
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