The following is an e-mail message I sent to Brian Harner on December 7 2020 at 4:58PM. It is the 119th message in our conversation.
Here is some additional information on why I have held a rather emotional posture towards you.
In
our last phone conversation prior to the New York City trip (which I
posted to BitChute), I asked you about true love. I have not revisited
the exact words said, but I recall the basics. I wondered whether
finding true love with a woman would help you become more effective at
getting through to people. You insisted that there are no women on Earth
capable of filling that role. You did address the possibilities
regarding your ex-wife, and I figured that if she would both understand
everything and take you back then that could help matters. However, I
found this unlikely to happen. I thought I would give her a chance, but
after I received that letter back in the mail and she ignored your text,
I figured I was kidding myself. Furthermore, when you insisted that
there is no ideal woman for you on Earth, I internally reacted the way
that you might do to such challenges. I thought, "Oh yeah, we'll see
about that!"
My hopes to succeed at this challenge seem to have
backfired via my own emotions and the effects of those emotions. I very
likely made the matter too personal. It had the potential to be a great
story, you know? I'll put it to you this way. -- A woman who is
attracted to women her whole life but is not sure it's the right thing
to pursue. She remains single and a virgin, while trying to figure out
the purpose of life, the intended pattern of life, and what is needed to
heal the Earth: along the way she shares her thoughts (kimwrate.com).
She had told herself that if she ever met a man who was more dedicated
to, accomplished in, and capable of the right path than her, then she
would yield to him. She was not sure that she ever would meet such a
man, but she was not closed to the possibility. Then in the crazy year
of 2020 she meets the Christ of the New Age. Finally, she found a man of
pure intent! Not only that, but he had sought out and synthesized a
complete picture of life. Through their conversations, she realizes she
could love a man after all: she just had never met one who was divine.
The
rather intense circumstances under which I met you (i.e. Judas) also
play into the "great story." You know, like how I stuck my neck out for
you and in so doing brought us into a unique timeline. The idea I had is
that you and I could set an example for true love between a man and a
woman. Everyone yearns for it and no one achieves it in Hell. The posts
on 4chan make that fact blatant all the time. I knew that reproduction
would be almost-certain not to happen for various reasons, such as the
genetic distance between us and your genetic diseases. Likewise, any
kind of home life would not be likely, either. But we still achieved
love through serving humanity's maker together, and I thought that
people might recognize this love by hearing and reading our words.
This
is the part where I'm supposed to analyze what I've done wrong and what
the lesson is. It may have to do with me hoping to be relatively equal
to you, when in fact I am just meant to be your student/athlete. That
would mean one lesson from this is to know your proper place in the
universe, and do not take it personally. If I was more accepting of
"just" being a student then I might have made fewer errors, like saying
that God "stands" outside of the universe. That way I would have had
more meekness underlying my ambitions.
I've told you that I have
felt badly for you having to deal with me. What I mean by that is
feeling guilt for giving you stress and burdens, and feeling like a
disappointment for failing to properly advance the message of the
hierarchy. I think if I had accepted just being a student, I would have
not have felt so anxious. As I said, trying to quickly become equal in
ability to someone who is far ahead of you leads to anxiety. Likewise,
true love would not necessarily be excluded: it would just be kept in
its proper form for this particular relationship.
A high school
athlete trying to be friends with their adult coach may be an accurate
comparison. They both work for the same team, but they have very
different ability levels, life experiences, and personal
problems/situations to deal with. If I tried to be friends with an adult
when I was a teenager, I probably would have felt badly that there is
only so much I can understand firsthand about their life experiences. As
such, a coaching/teaching relationship is more appropriate.
It
has hurt me to think that you are so isolated and misunderstood-- you
know? I wanted to end that for you. Maybe I relieved that problem to a
small extent. But I probably tried too hard to control that situation
and make it look a certain way. Would people recognize the true love
unless we were married, for instance? So far they have not.
This
is one of the larger topics I have wanted to get off my chest. Perhaps
from here on out our relationship will be more pure and effective. I
know your current trajectory may not change much as a result of this
"confession," but I am interested to hear what you think of what I have
said here.
Thank you,
Kim