There is a very, very important mindset shift you must make
in order to get what you truly want. It will seem counterintuitive, and if you
haven’t used it much it may not seem easy. But you must do it.
Yes, some people objectively get what they want without it, but subjectively they are unfulfilled. They are not really happy. You can have a million dollars and it still won’t feel like enough. I discussed that in Building Trust with the Universe. Perhaps this is both an extension of and a twist on that topic, or maybe it’s just the same thing said another way.
Stop Getting
Whatever the case, the thing you must do is stop trying to get something from the world. Stop trying to get good grades, stop trying to build big muscles, stop trying to earn money, stop trying to get women to go out with you. Stop trying to create a certain reaction in other people. Stop trying to attain a certain feeling in yourself. Don’t even ask about the meaning of life or try to get a meal. Just stop.
You see, from this mindset there is always something you have to do. There’s all this work laid out in front of you and you have to grind through it. You have to swim for 40 minutes, and if you can do that, well, good for you. Hopefully it will get you big muscles or burn lots of calories or justify you eating a lot or do whatever it is you hoped it would.
Then you have to go write an article today so that you can maintain or build web traffic, and if you do that, then good for you again. Then you have to talk to your somewhat-girlfriend to see if she doesn’t hate you (I know, that sounds silly). Then you have to stop and eat dinner, because God forbid if you don’t.
Yeah, you’re getting stuff done. Heck, you might be getting a lot of stuff done. Man, you might just be the king of productivity. That sure as hell makes you good enough, doesn’t it? Doesn’t that give you lots of wonderful things to look back on? Isn’t it great that you do all this stuff?
Yeah, heck yeah it is. It’s beautiful even. Getting stuff done is great. There’s a whole lot of stuff that needs being done.
But tell me, oh productivity-meister: what are you, a rat on a hamster wheel? Is there nothing more to you than getting on the wheel placed in front of you and running until the task is deemed complete? What completion is there to running in place? Are you really getting anywhere? It might look and feel like you are, but are you really? Do you really feel fulfilled by task of running in place? Do you think that’s what life would even want you to do?
Besides- rats shouldn’t be on hamster wheels. Hamster wheels are for hamsters. Surely we rats can find a better race to run.
Perhaps you are confused by the subtitle of this section. You might feel like your life is just give, give, give all the time. Maybe you get up and make the kids breakfast, then take them to school, then you go to work and give your time and effort to your company, then you take the kids home, then you make them dinner, yadda yadda yadda. You’re a good, productive, contributing citizen and you should just be left alone, right? I should leave you out of this? This only applies to the selfish and greedy?
Sorry, but I’m afraid that’s not the case. No humans are exempt from this. What you may be trying to get from day to day, dear mother, could be stability, security, money, and certain reactions from others. The last one might be the biggest: you’re trying to please so many people. You are attempting to get a reaction of pleasure out of them.
That shouldn’t be bad, should it? I mean, don’t we want to make other people happy?
You see, when you try to get something in particular out of life you are denying your true identity. You are assuming that you’re just a giant suction cup who comes into this world and has to consume things to stay alive in it for a limited amount of time. By one perspective that is true. This is true of all animals and maybe even all living things, humans included.
But tell me: just like the rat on the hamster wheel, do you really think that’s all you are? Do you think you’re just some mass of squishiness which has nothing better to do but avoid conflict and maintain equilibrium within yourself and feel just enough pleasure? Do you think you’re good for nothing but getting stuff out of life?
Maybe you want to make people laugh, and you think that’s a good thing. Okay, it is, but what do you need to make people laugh for? Why do you need to make people feel or do anything? Even if that’s to feel good?
Why do you need people to like you? What do you need constant approval for? Why would you want that?!
It’s the same for rebels. What the hell do you need to be different for? Why do you need to win disapproval? What do these things by themselves do for you? Or anyone?
Damn it, what if you’re here to mess up like a crazy person? What if you’re even here to suffer?
What if there’s nothing here you need to get at all?
Start Giving
There is a simple mindset shift which can do a lot to change the way you live your life. Hell, it might even be at the root of transformation.
It is somewhat paradoxical. It asks that you focus on yourself, and it is in this way that you can truly give. You must ask not what you want out of life, but rather what life wants out of you. You must not ask what the meaning of life is, but rather you must bring meaning to life. The two may seem to contradict one another, but when they come together I think they create something powerful.
Here’s what I really want to say. I want you to ask yourself, What can I give to the world right now? What can I put out into this universe? What would it mean to truly express myself right now?
I want you to be selfish. I want you to focus on what it means to be you. But the catch is that this idea cannot be based on anything external. It cannot be based on trying to differ from others somehow. It cannot be based on some idea you want others to hold of you. It must be based as purely as possible on you.
I’ve said it a million times before and I’ll say it a million times more. You create this world, man.
What a lot of us do is give our creative power away by trying to create within the context of something we think is already there. We try to create good grades within an already-existent education system. It’s just there, and it’s always been there. We are merely at the mercy of it. We try to create certain reactions in other people because they just exist, and they have for some time already, and all we can do is respond somehow to them.
We think that “they” and “it” are primary, and that “I” is secondary. This is where we go wrong. This is where we lose power.
Arguably all you can ever do is express yourself. If you’re trying to create within some pre-existent structure you are expressing your belief that you must do so. Indirectly you are always expressing your deeply-held beliefs—even those you are not consciously aware of or that you take for granted.
But this is a sort of second-order of self-expression. Where stuff really gets good is when you take it to the top, and express right from yourself.
Again, I realize that all we can ever do is create within some belief system. But what if you believe that you are the creator of your life, here to express yourself unabashedly? What can you do then?
Well, that’s when you start to create consciously. Instead of creating by bending over and taking it from the system you create as you best see fit. That might even mean that continue doing as you have and conforming to norms, but it’s got a whole different twist now. Life takes on a whole new flavor when you start to create consciously.
True, genuine self-expression doesn’t need anything in return. It doesn’t need to get a pat on the back; rather, it is an end in itself. To express yourself is to get what you want and also to give the world what it wants from you. Doesn’t that sound beautiful?
Don’t get mixed up and think you have to float around in pure selflessness. I told you to be selfish, man. Heck yeah you can still want money and hot women in your bed. But instead of striving and trying to pull something out of life with lots of hard work and hope you get rewarded, you can invite these things by being yourself. Sure, you can still ask passively for them if you want, but only do that if it would mean to genuinely express yourself in this moment. In that way you are still at least asserting yourself.
Don’t mix this up with being passive-aggressive; that’s the exact opposite. Passive-aggressiveness means to attempt to hide what you want to express but still trying to get it out indirectly. You don’t want that. I have spent enough of my life in passive-aggressiveness to assert that.
You don’t always have to be brutally and extremely straightforward either. By assert yourself I mean put yourself out into that world! If you’re thinkin’ it then say it, baby. Trying to find just the right words probably will not yield the right words. However you want to express yourself right now, do it. Do it even if it seems out of character for you. Your character might be lame anyway. Your character might not really be what you need or want it to be. If something’s coming up, play with it.
Thus far one of my favorite ways to step into this mindset is to ask myself, How can I shine right now? I don’t need someone to shine the lights on to me. Rather, how can I shine my light into the world? Asking this puts me into a heart-centered state, as though the light emanates from my heart.
Stop trying to numb-out of this world by stuffing whatever you can into your suction-cup mouth. There is no need for escape. Don’t even ask how you can shine 10 minutes from now. Shine right now. Even if you feel terrible and just want comfort, I guarantee you that whatever answer you get from this question will make you feel better than anything else could. It is better than any comfort food or mind-numbing television or senseless sex could ever be.
Maybe that sounds crazy, but you should try it yourself. You should see just how differently you feel and what sorts of different results you get. I suspect that both subjectively and objectively you will see results. Go ahead; do it right now and see how differently this article feels for you.
I suggest that you try out this heart-set (like a mindset, but more intuitively-based) in the form of a 30-day trial. This means that for 30 days you do your best to live based on untainted self-expression. 30 days is just a sweet enough time in which to take this seriously without feeling overwhelmed by the premise. In addition, you can experience significant results in that time, and at the end of that time you can decide whether to continue or go back to living as you did before the trial.
It may seem silly that asking a question can change so much. I suppose that’s the premise of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP); I don’t know if that’s what I’m asking you to use. But it isn’t really the words that matter. It’s the feeling. Prayer is the same. God or the universe or whatever you like doesn’t really care what words you say to it. It responds to feeling. The feeling is the prayer.
In that case of things some outer entity such as “God” doesn’t really respond at all. You create the intention and the feeling, and you create the result thus. Of course, you are the universe; it isn’t something outside of you. It is you.
This is how pick-up artists end up with a lot of short-term connections that are ultimately unfulfilling. The words get them the results, but their intentions are weak and tainted. On the other hand, someone who expresses themselves from a place of love- from the heart- can say pretty much anything, and they almost always get a positive result. It is the heart-set that matters.
Some people like to ask, How can I express the universe through myself? This is really the same as asking how you shine. Being the universe is what makes you shine—not trying to be something in this universe. Definitely not trying to get something from it. What can you get from yourself? You can only give (does that even make sense?).
The point is that words in themselves aren’t powerful. Rather, words can give rise to the feelings and the state of being that exemplify the change. Words can help us to get there. They are objects which help us to get around in an objective world. It is the physical and objective aspect of this reality that necessitates communication.
We are here for a reason, ya know. Again, I explained this in Building Trust with the Universe: consciousness created this physical reality to explore new ways of expressing itself. Communication through words is one of them.
Don’t give out of some pressure to be a good and moral citizen. Pressure means that your desires are inauthentic. Give merely as an extension of yourself. What we call “giving” is really what you want. What I really want is to express myself through this article, and in that way I give. I don’t really want the resulting traffic. I only want that as a means of being able to express myself ever-more fully, by sharing myself with more people.
“More people,” of course, means more extensions of myself. If I am the universe, then you all are me.
What else could you be? I’m not your overlord. I simply am you. Thus I have no need to control you or get anything out of you—even if I’m trying so hard to give to you. If we you are me, then I only need to be me to give to you. From what I have experienced, this takes care of itself as it needs to. There is no madness of greed.
If there is chaos, it is only the chaos of breaking out of a system in which I cannot give and express myself fully. It is only the chaos needed to ultimately bring about greater order—that is, the order of love. I am not deprived by acting from this shining light, nor is the world. I have not stepped fully into this heart-set (like a mindset, but more intuitively-based) yet, but from what I can tell all seems well.
No, it is not totally calm and quiet—it’s crazy and wild and fun! It’s the taste of life, the best thing to ever be tasted. Self-expression is not a dud. We’re wild, man. Your desires can take you anywhere and everywhere.
Again, from what I can tell following them ultimately creates what is needed. From this supposed chaos arises a higher order. But you have to be willing to go along for the ride. Just understand that this ride is you and is created by you, and that is all it can ever be.
I hope you are ready. It is time for you to shine.